Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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