Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
