somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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