it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
