exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
