I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
