Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
