I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
