I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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