WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
