we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
