iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
