Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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