Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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