Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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