Don't you send me to vm
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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