Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
