so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
