Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
