ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
