im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
