there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
