I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
