he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
