a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
