So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
