I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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