Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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