just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
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