The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
