I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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