it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
