You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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