I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
only if we run a train.
done.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found your dick twin last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
