i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
