he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh god it's open bar.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
