I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
