i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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