He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
