I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
