So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he thought i was a dude.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
