I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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