I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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