That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
