don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
