i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
