You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
