we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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