This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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