It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
