His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
