I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's official drugs can't kill me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
