He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
