i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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