The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
