Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
