I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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