They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
