YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
