I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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