im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
