Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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