you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its about making memories worth repressing
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A+ Viking dick
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