Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
