Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
