Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
